Chapter 396: Side Story 10 - It’s a catastrophe(?!)
Translator: miraclerifle
My name is rope.
I am a rope.
I don’t know when I opened my eyes as an artifact or what my origin is, but anyway, I am a rope.
The restorer keeps harassing me by saying that I am a SM play tool and ignoring me, but I am definitely a rope from a folk tale!
My body is 1.8 meters in length.
However, I can supposedly wrap around the entire Earth if I extend and keep extending my body.
People might be confused about how my eyes are always sparkling, but it is the mind's eye(?).
Humans ask how a rope can have eyes or can smell, but a rope is actually capable of doing all of that! A rope like me can even talk!
It’s just that my master cannot understand me!
Anyway, my daily routine starts with waking up my master.
[#$&#*$&!]
Wake up! Wake up!
The rope was working hard to shake Ju-Heon awake. It jumped up and down on top of Ju-Heon and tried all sorts of techniques.
[#$#&!]
You're late! I said that you’re late!
Sadly, it wasn't working.
“No thanks. I'm sleepy. I'm going to sleep some more.”
It’s damn master liked to sleep so much. Of course, he was the Majesty who needed to rule over all of the artifacts in the world. He slept so much because that job was extremely tiring, but......
[#&$!]
A whole country will disappear if you are late! It really will!
The rope pulled at Ju-Heon’s clothes and groaned.
It didn’t know much about what was going on, but it did hear something about how a country might disappear from the world because of an artifact.
It's master’s phone was going off almost nonstop to prove it really was a serious issue.
[!]
The rope was getting anxious at the notifications going off hysterically on the phone.
It then looked at the name that appeared on the screen.
[A son of a bitch like Yoo Jaeha]
Based on the name, it seemed to be that lawyer big bro who always got angry at its master.
[#$#$&!]
What do I do, what do I do...?!
The phone went on and off over and over without stopping.
It picked up on its master's behalf, thinking that it couldn’t just let him ignore the calls.
[#&$!]
Please wait a bit, lawyer bro! Hold on! The master is getting ready, he is getting ready, so...!
The rope did its best to report the current situation.
However...
[Hey! Why the hell aren't you saying anything?! Heyyyy!]
‘Huh?! I am talking...!’
[Get your ass up right now before I send a bomb into your palace, you son of a bitch!]
However, its extremely sleepyhead of a master just hugged his pillow and drifted back to sleep.
‘Things will be really bad at this rate...!’
The rope could only tap its feet, although the existence of feet on a rope should be questioned as well.
[#$#!]
Wake up! A whole country is about to disappear! It will!
It pulled at Ju-Heon and tried everything it could, but...
“Mm... I don't give a shit about that. Goodbye.”
[?!]
This Majesty with an extremely shitty personality just scratched his butt and went back to sleep.
Other artifacts wouldn't care what their stupid master did or what not, but...
[#$#$^&!]
Master, I don't want people talking bad about you! I don’t!
The rope’s eyes flashed and it slithered toward a drawer.
It had an ace in this drawer that would allow it to awaken its master. After rummaging through for a bit...
[#$*&!]
I found it! I found it!
The rope pulled out an erotic magazine.
However...
The real focus was the small ring case that was next to the erotic magazine.
[..........]
This was its master’s engagement ring that the restorer had found not too long ago.
The rope originally had no plans on complaining about its master getting married.
It loved its master the most in this world.
It would follow anything its master did and accept any decision its master makes.
However........
“Hmm, just wait a little bit, I'll come propose to you soon......zzz...”
[#$&$#!]
I don’t think I can accept this......!
[#$&#!]
I am against this marriage! Against it!
Tang tang tang!
The rope was getting excited and slamming down on the ground with its tail.
[#$&!]
I'm going on strike! I'm going on strike!
The fat doggies just blinked as they looked at this unapproved protest.
Even if they were against this marriage...
[How the hell are we going to stop our damn master from doing what he wants?]
[That’s right, that's right.]
[Furthermore, why the hell does it matter to us artifacts which human bitch he marries?]
The rope's eyes opened wide in anger.
[#$&#*!]
It does matter! It does!
[What? How so?]
That...!
The rope tried to respond immediately but it was at a loss for words.
[#$&#$&#$&#$&#!]
Umm, it matters because......umm, you see, it is because......!
The rope just mumbled and the doggies snorted at it.
[Aigoo, I knew you had nothing.]
[See, it is unrelated to us artifacts...]
“No, that is not true.”
[!]
The one who surprisingly took the rope’s side was the Majesty's Cradle (space)!
[C, Chaos, you bastard!]
It was June, one of Ju-Heon's tomb raiding team members.
It was the spatial artifact Chaos, the artifact responsible for the space that embraced time and all things.
It was a Genesis-Grade (SSS-Grade) existence.
It was considered to have the rights to be the leader of the artifacts, potentially because of its overwhelming strength or because of its abilities.
However, the doggies were not happy to see June.
Why?
‘That bastard tried to get rid of artifacts in the past...!’
June had a similar rap sheet to the Crow. Well, the Crow had the former Majesty's revenge as a reason, but this bastard was just cold.
June was only a part of the cradle and was responsible for destruction.
Nobody would be happy to see the messenger of death.
Because of that...
[Cut the bullshit and get lost!]
[How the hell would the master’s marriage affect the artifacts?]
“Okay, okay, calm down. I know that you guys don't like me, but think about it rationally. Our Majesty has yet to select a new artifact as the Cradle(Birth).”
[......!]
June was temporarily taking care of the Birth’s job, but it was reaching its limits.
“The Majesty must quickly select an artifact for the ‘birth,’ take it as his partner to share their love.”
That was the method of activating the Cradle(Birth).
But what would happen if he marries a human woman?!
“Do you think his majesty would pay any attention to us artifacts?”
Being newlywed was a scary thing. Imagine if he ended up having a human child as well.
Ju-Heon, his wife, regardless of who it may be, and a damn human child......
‘No, the child would at least be super cute since they would be the Captain's child. Oh wait, I'm getting off track, ahem.’
Ignoring that last part, the truth was that the Majesty’s attention would be devoted to his child.
"That is why this marriage carries the survival of us artifacts. All artifacts may perish as soon as the Majesty gets married.”
[......!]
Ju-Heon’s wedding instantly became connected to the survival of the artifacts.
It may sound like a funny story, but the doggies became extremely serious.
It was because they knew Ju-Heon's personality better than anybody else.
‘T, the master really would just pick his nose if he saw that we were all dying off.’
They would be lucky if he just sat there and picked his nose.
‘He’ll say that the number of useful slaves are going down and make us work extremely hard!’
This was not good.
But the doggies warily stared at June.
[Why the hell do you care about the survival of artifacts all of a sudden?]
Chaos had cast aside the former Majesty and coldly disappeared in the past.
The former Majesty desperately tried to hold him back in order to prevent the extinction of the artifacts, however...
[You flew off to a different dimension.]
Furthermore, this bastard had been chilling with the apocalypse artifacts.
So, why the hell would he care now?
[Weren’t you in cahoots with the apocalypse artifacts?]
June became visibly upset.
“I was pretending to be one of them to keep an eye on those apocalypse artifacts. I am the Majesty's Treasure, and I have a mission to preserve the artifact race. I was keeping all artifacts safe while being elsewhere.”
He had left the former Majesty because he saw no value to treat that fool as his master. He had been disappointed at the former Majesty’s decision in his test and left.
Well, it wasn't the former Majesty’s fault since none of the Majesties had ever passed June’s test.
But Ju-Heon was different.
“I like the Captain. That is why I became his vassal.”
In that sense, he was very happy to hear about Ju-Heon’s wedding, but...
“He must not have a human partner! I am against this marriage as well!”
The rope’s eyes sparkled with joy.
[#$#&$!]
You’re going to help me? You’re going to help me?
“Yeah! He must pick a partner from among the artifacts!”
June, who had quickly joined the rope’s side, used his ability.
“It’s time for all of you to gather here, the loyal vassals of our Majesty!”
Extremely beautiful babe artifacts suddenly appeared!
There were also Byeon Kang-Soe and Ong-Nyeo, Eros's Arrows artifact, and thousands of sex-related artifacts!
“Go! Go do your best to seduce his Majesty!”
That wasn’t all.
[This is an order to all artifacts. Report within the next hour and prevent the King's proposal at all costs!]
The doggie artifacts whose asses were on fire led the charge while the Major God and Divine-Grade artifacts of the different cultural heritages joined in at full force as well.
[Any artifact that manages to successfully seduce his Majesty will receive a great reward!]
[Ohhhhhhhh!]
[Hand over your son in return for taking mine!]
This was the start of the artifact rebellion, despite certain artifacts having different reasons for going after Ju-Heon.
As the situation continued...
[The entire world is in uproar over Seo Ju-Heon's Ring of Omnipotence.]
[What you are seeing right now is the surprising chase for a single ring.]
[Don’t get in my way!]
[I need that ring to make Ju-Heon-nim mine!]
[That’s right! We will use it to turn Seo Ju-Heon into the new leader of our Islamic nation!]
[Ohhhhhhhh! Get the ring! You get the ring and Seo Ju-Heon will be yours too!]
“Man, what the hell is going on?”
Ju-Heon was watching the TV in disbelief.
The world seemed to now be in ‘The Great Ring Era.’ People around the world were running around manically.
He never expected that a single engagement ring would cause such chaos.
‘I was wondering why that bastard George accepted it so easily.’
Things seemed as chaotic as when the apocalypse artifacts had appeared.
The newspaper mentioned nations getting their armies ready for potential war.
That wasn’t all.
[The British Royal family has set up a welcome banquet. ‘Welcome, future son-in-law. We have many amazing wedding gifts for you.’]
[The Saudi Royal family is protesting. "Seo Ju-Heon will be our son-in-law. We will offer him the rights to oil sales as a wedding gift.”]
[Royal families around the world seem to be in a fierce battle over the Majesty.]
[Will they declare war?]
Multiple nations were in danger of going to war over Seo Ju-Heon.
“Fuck, I have a lot to gain if all of you go to war against each other, but why the hell are you all so desperate to take me?!”
Ju-Heon had instantly become the potential son-in-law for pretty much all ruling parties in the world. Someone laughed as he screamed in despair.
“What the hell did you excavate, Captain-nim?”
The sweet clear voice belonged to Chloe. It was amazing that something got the always calm and collected Chloe to laugh.
“It feels like you excavated the greatest weapon that humanity has ever seen before.”
“Why? How?! All I did was to excavate a ring. Where the fuck did they get hair loss healing from?! Why the hell did my ring turn into that?!”
“Why else? Captain-nim, you're famous for being bald.”
“What?”
“They say that you are a thieving bastard who likes free things. They claim that your luscious hair is all just wigs.”
‘These punks.’
“Absolutely not! This is 100 percent my hair!”
That wasn’t all.
It was also said to heal erectile dysfunction.
“My son is extremely lively as well! It is rock hard without the help of any artifact! I'm going to sue all of these bastards.”
Chloe laughed again.
Ju-Heon and Chloe were close enough to be drinking buddies. But seeing Ju-Heon struggling like this was quite rare and refreshing to see.
“Yes, yes, your son is so lively that your wife definitely has nothing to cry about.”
He did come to her for a secret consultation in the past because he had a reason to be upset, but the problem now was that it was too lively!
Anyway, none of these were big issues.
‘I do need to find it by today, but I should be able to get it really easily.’
Well, he would normally be asking for Seol-A’s help, but......
‘I can’t really get Seol-A's help for this.’
But it shouldn't take him that long.
He tried using his map artifacts along with the Heaven’s Eye System that was created with numerous detection artifacts, knowledge artifacts, and all sorts of other artifacts, but......
[A total of 34,126,311,486,756,744 locations have been detected.]
‘Why the hell did the stupid ring multiply so much?! Did it suddenly breed or something?!’
“Is it a damn cockroach?!”
‘Who the hell is responsible for this?!’