Since Childhood
In the evening, He Jin got off work and dragged his luggage back to the school dormitory.
One week before school started again, the whole campus was quiet and it looked as if everyone was still sleeping. There were only two rooms in the dormitory building with their lights on, one was the first floor, and the other was on the fourth floor...
It seemed that someone arrived earlier than He Jin, and He Jin thought that he would be the first.
There was a strange smell in the room after being closed for one month, but He Jin felt extraordinarily warm in it – the desk, the bookshelves, the small lamps, the single bed... He Jin put a quilt and lied down, sighing comfortably. This is his home.
He hasn’t contacted his family for one week now, and after blacklisting his parents’ numbers, he has not received any news from them.
Of course, He Jin hadn’t forgotten about the argument. He just dared not think about it. After calming down for a few days, when he’s idle, he also thought whether he’d crossed the line. All in all, he didn’t feel regretful.
This is a step that he had to make sooner or later. Since a rational discussion was not possible, they could only fight ‘til the end.
In fact, it was very easy for his parents to look for him. They might as well call him using a new number or send him a message. They also knew about his school, major and the address of his dormitory. They even know how to contact his counselor of the department.
But no one wanted to be the first one to apologize. And his mother also didn’t believe that He Jin could really be independent, that’s why she yelled hysterically over the phone, “I won’t give you a penny anymore.” She wanted to control He Jin economically and make him give in, but he wouldn’t. He’d rather lose face and borrow money from his classmates, but he’d never bow in front of his mother.
...Such a mother-and-son relationship has become very problematic, hasn’t it?
He Jin took out his bracelet and read the messages that were still unread. Sure enough, they were all from Qin Yang.
Fire, “are you back to school?”
Fire: (Photo)
The message with the photo made He Jin sit up on his bed immediately – the photo showed that it’s taken in Qin Yang’s dormitory, and there was his helmet on the side too – could Qin Yang be at school as well?
He Jin thought, when he used to visit Qin Yang at his dormitory, did he need to hide away his helmet every time?
...Such hard work! (=_=)
He Jin returned to his bed and lied down, he replied, “why did you return to school so early?”
It turned out that the window with the lights on the fourth floor was the room of Qin Yang...
Fire, “I don’t want you to feel lonely.”
When He Jin looked at this sentence, he felt the warmth and comforted, even though he didn’t want to admit his feelings. But then, he sensed that something’s not right again, has he already forgiven this big liar?
Also, it’s a bit weird for He Jin – since Qin Yang had already told him about his identity, why did he still sometimes send messages from his usual account, sometimes from “me”? Has Qin Yang been addicted to playing different identities?
Ah Jin, “in the beginning, did you specifically register for this account to talk to me?”
Fire, “yeah, it was my first time playing with it.”
Ah Jin, “you never had a ‘me’ account before?”
“me” is used very frequently among youngsters. Almost everyone had an account. It combines the characteristics of all social media such as “inside school”, “WeChat”, “QQ” and “Weibo”. You can text, upload latest news, transfer money and pay online via this app...
He Jin thought that almost every University student would have a “me” account.
Fire, “no, but I’d heard of it. It’s just that I don’t really like this kind of tools. They’re too troublesome for me.”
He Jin felt the same. Initially, He Jin added too many friends on the app, and those were the people that he met through the student club. There’s no practical need to know them deeply, and he’s also tired of the shallow talk that he had to keep up with.
In fact, it’s understandable – since Qin Yang is so popular in school, if he used his real identity on “me”, he might get bombarded every day.
When He Jin thought of Valentine’s Day, a girl told Qin Yang that she liked him in the KTV room, he asked out of jealousy, “is it true that you’ve had admirers since you were small?” After sending the message, He Jin started to regret. Did he just show that he cared about Qin Yang?
Fire, “do you mean in reality? Not that small, maybe starting from grade 3 of middle school.”
Ah Jin, “that’s small enough...”
However, when He Jin thought about it, he had a similar experience in middle school. Since he did well academically and he’s also a class committee member, he often heard rumors about different girls admiring him.
There was a brave girl who wrote a love letter to him, but it’s not a nice memory for He Jin. It’s because out of some reason, his mother found out about the incident, and she asked their class teacher for the girl’s home phone number. Then, his mother called the parents of the girl and seriously warned them to control their kid. Her attitude was very rude and unpleasant.
He Jin still recalled having overheard that phone call, and he was full of guilt and shame.
It’s a wonderful thing to be admired and pursued. He Jin, who received a love letter for the first time in his life, was also very excited and thrilled. But his mother had turned the whole thing into something disgusting.
The next day, the girl ran to his classroom with swollen eyes, opened a bottle of water and spilled it onto him, she also torn his mathematics book apart and yelled, “He Jin, I hate you!” ......
At that time, He Jin was sitting there foolishly, and he couldn’t even utter an apology...he didn’t know what to do, and there were simply no alternatives. After his mother made that call, she shouted at him fiercely and warned him not to talk to that girl who’s “shameless” anymore.
The girl was from another class, and was a member of the literature committee. She’s pretty and she also did well academically. Whenever there were activities in school, she was often invited to be the host...and it turned out to be that simple to be hated.
He Jin’s self-loathing seems to have started from that time. He hates his cowardice. He felt that he’s not worthy of admiration. The only thing he could do was to put all his focus on studying, and he couldn’t recall how many times he’d rejected girls who admired him. It could be that whenever someone tried to get close, he would sense it at once and he’d always use nonchalance and indifference to disguise himself.
When he got into University, he could temporarily free himself from that woman’s manipulation, and he also met Tong Xuan who’s friendly and warm, it gave him the courage to make the first step. But it also failed in the end...
Sometimes, He Jin thought, if his mother didn’t interfere with the love letter incident, could he have grown to be more “normal”? At least, he also had good feelings toward that girl back then.
Qin Yang sent him another message, “do you know why I only started to have admirers in grade 3?”
Ah Jin, “why?”
Fire, “it’s because of you.”
Ah Jin, “what does it have to do with me?”
Fire, “do you still remember that our family moved to A city ten years ago?”
Ah Jin, “yes I remember.”
Fire, “that year, my mother passed away. My dad was occupied with his business in A city and he didn’t remarry, nor have time for me. He spent some money to send me to a famous middle school, and the students there were mostly from the local area. I didn’t like studying and I performed badly. Every time, I was in the last place in class. As I was rebellious, my classmates didn’t like me and they looked down on me too. Especially when I got in because of money, not because I performed well, haha.”
He Jin, “...” no wonder Fire was always alone in the game, and he didn’t even team up with the others to fight a monkey.
Fire, “almost after two years, I was still alone all the time.”