He Jin also wanted to be as brave as Qin Yang, but it was too difficult for him.
Because of his previous family experienced, he cared a lot about how the others thought of him. He tried every possible way to create a perfect façade, he was afraid to make mistakes, and for this reason, he was hypersensitive to every look that’s evil, prejudiced and judgmental.
The last thing that the counsellor said was like a whip hitting heavily on him. He dared not raise his head anymore.
That wasn’t a serious criticism, but more like a reminder. That reminded him of his childhood experience, when he had to kneel on the floor and let his mother beat him. She kept yelling and insulting him, “you’re shameless”, “you only know how to play” and “you’re useless”...even though his mother later apologized to him, and he had forgiven her, these insults are like labels and they’re tattooed deep in his heart. Every time he tried to act a bit differently, he would instantly feel ashamed of himself. This is tearing his soul apart.
He Jin’s bracelet suddenly vibrated, it dragged him out of his fear. It was Qin Yang’s call.
“Hey...” He Jin took a deep breath.
“Where are you?” Qin Yang asked.
When hearing his voice, He Jin felt calmer, and he almost burst into tears....Qin Yang was his sin, but also his savior.
“I was in the faculty office and was asked about working as a researcher after graduation.” He Jin said plainly.
“Oh? Have you made up your mind?” Qin Yang asked with care.
He Jin took a deep breath, raised his head and looked at the sky, “I’ve given up, I want to look for a job after graduation.”
Although he couldn’t be as brave as Qin Yang, He Jin also wanted to make a move for him. Even with a small action like this might get him hurt.
Qin Yang, “alright. Whatever you do, I’ll support you. Do you want to go out for dinner and celebrate?”
He Jin, “is it worth celebrating?”
Qin Yang laughed lightly, “silly you, don’t you know that it’s a reason for me to treat you? Your EQ is really low.”
He Jin, “...”
At night, when they were having dinner, He Jin wanted to act more casually. He didn’t mention about what the counsellor had told him. When Qin Yang told him excitedly about what happened at the tennis court that afternoon, He Jin laughed along.
After dinner, when they were on their way returning to their dormitory, they saw a few classmates who had worked together with He Jin in the student club before. One of them had perceived He Jin as his competitor, but He Jin had never really cared about it. When they saw He Jin and Qin Yang, they were shocked, and started laughing at them. One of them intentionally said loudly, “oh my God, I didn’t expect them to be this kind of people...”
Both of them heard it. Qin Yang glanced at them coldly, he held He Jin’s shoulder and left. When they were a few steps forward, He Jin deliberately kept a distance from him.
Qin Yang felt bad about it and tried to comfort He Jin, “don’t care about what they said.”
He Jin lowered his head and replied with “um”...sigh, he only wanted to be in love, but he had chosen a difficult path.
When they went to class the next day, He Jin obviously sensed that people around were looking at him weirdly. In just about two days, he got a message from Tong Xuan, asking about him and Qin Yang. This time, He Jin had nowhere to hide.
He just didn’t reply, and he ignored the people’s questions and gossips. At the same time, he gave a call to his counsellor, declaring that he’d given up on being a researcher. Professor Li expressed his regret to He Jin’s decision, but he didn’t attempt to change his mind.
On the surface, He Jin was fine with Qin Yang, yet he was feeling greater pressure inside. He was also getting quieter, as the surrounding environment made him want to escape. He imagined being in a place where no one knew about him and Qin Yang, just like in Snowtown, then they could be together as much as they wanted.
Qin Yang also felt that something was wrong. He felt like he had to steal every moment alone with He Jin, and it’s really not the kind of relationship that he was looking for.
At the end of April, when Qin Yang got online alone, Wild Crane was asking about how he was doing, as Dead Water and Nine Hall had already told him about Qin Yang and He Jin. Then, Qin Yang told him what he’s been worried about.
Leisure Cloud asked strangely, “why don’t you move out?”
Wild Crane, “yeah, when I and my brother were in University, we moved out already in our second year!”
They were like some an excellent reminder which cleared Qin Yang’s mind instantly!
At night, when he got offline, Qin Yang instantly looked for He Jin for this matter.
“Moving out?” He Jin was a bit shocked, as this suggestion seemed to be way beyond his usual thinking.
“Don’t you want to live with me?” At this time, the two were standing at the entrance of the staircase. Qin Yang gently pulled him, holding He Jin in his arms. He was touching the hair near He Jin’s ears, “we will look for a small studio near the school. When we have classes, we’ll come here. But we won’t have to see our classmates often.”
He Jin was still a bit worried, “then what should we do with our dormitory? We have to continue renting it, no?”
“Then we’ll keep renting it. You can actually keep your stuff here, and I’ll buy new furniture, blanket and whatnot.” When Qin Yang mentioned about “blanket”, he sounded very flirtatious, “it’ll be at most 3000 yuan per month, it’s totally worth it, since we’ll have our personal space and quietness.”
Qin Yang had wanted to say, “don’t worry about the rent”, but he’d learnt his lesson, and he knew that doing so would only hurt He Jin. Seeing that He Jin was still hesitating, Qin Yang persuaded him even more, “we’ll build a home of our own, a space that only belongs to us. What do you think?”
He Jin was struck by this suggestion, and he was completely moved by it. After saying, “I’ll consider”, he first returned to his room.
At night, when he was lying on his bed, he kept turning as he was simply too excited. As the surrounding environment had been pressurizing him too much, he was really looking forward to moving out with Qin Yang...it had to be the craziest thing to do during his college years!
The next morning, Qin Yang called He Jin in a sleepy tone, and he told He Jin that he had been looking for a studio until midnight.
It turned out that he wasn’t the only one who lost sleep. He Jin was speechless, “how come you started looking so soon?” Although he was complaining, it was obvious that he was looking forward to it.
Qin Yang noticed his excitement, and he grabbed this opportunity, “obviously, you’re just one floor down. And I can only say good morning to you every day. It’s really not nice...when we live together, we’ll be seeing each other every day.”
He Jin couldn’t help but blush and his heart was beating quickly, “how are the studios that you’ve found so far?”
When Qin Yang heard it, he instantly smiled, as He Jin seemed to have already accepted it, “I’ve chosen a few, and I’ll check them out with the agent this afternoon. Do you want to join me?”
“Um, I’ll see if I have the time to.” Although he said that, when Qin Yang called again in the afternoon, He Jin quickly went to join him.
After checking out different studios for three days, the two had picked one that’s just within 500 km from the University. As it’s nicely decorated and clean, the rent was around 600 yuan more expensive those in the same district. They needed to pay 3800 yuan per month.
He Jin found it a bit too expensive, but Qin Yang really liked the studio. He Jin thought about the 400,000 yuan that’s left untouched in his account. If he shared the rent with Qin Yang, he might be able to afford it. He Jin thought about pleasing his lover and decided to accept it.